Life.Planted.

This weekend was far from perfect, the kids fought and were whinny, talked back and didn't listen. But in a lot of ways it was just perfect!  We had a nice big breakfast Saturday morning that consisted of homemade scones, scrambled eggs, bacon and orange slices and dad (Ben) brought home donuts for dessert! We went and took the bikes out to a race track near us that use to be a old naval airport landing field which is really neat and we love going to often. The kids got to get all their pent up energy out and rode their bikes and played on the playground. Then we went and did one of our favorite things- all 5 of us picked out a different TV dinner and we made beds on the living room floor, cuddled up close and ate our TV dinners and watched Christmas movies. Sunday rained, it rained a lot, but that didn't stop us. We went out exploring and even got some Christmas shopping done. The kids got to go to a couple different stores and pick out their own gifts for their se...

This medication has given me Insomnia. I can’t sleep. My body is so tired and wants to rest and my mind is saying it’s time to party woohoo! I am laying here in our bed, cuddled up to Ben, clinging onto him, curled up into his chest for strength to fall asleep, to get tired, anything! I feel so raw and vulnerable. He won’t let me go for a walk- for good reason,  it’s the middle of the night. As I now listen to his slow inhale and exhale of snores and I’m wishing I was him right now. So easy he is to fall asleep. Strong, peaceful, fearless. Wishing my brain would just shut off for four simple hours at least. So here I lay, now on my side of the bed, trying not to wake my sleeping love, writing and watching the time count down til morning. Til my eyes are stained bloodshot and these bags under them grow darker. Children will be waking and the sun will be rising. All will be well rested, but me, because this medication gives me insomnia. I will not give up, I will keep to this path of...

Good Morning! Been a little MIA figuring out life and working on the house. What we've been up to..... well two weekends ago we had our "Fakesgiving". We do Thanksgiving early with my family because I used to work every Thanksgiving so we started a tradition of that. This frees up our Thanksgiving day so we can go to Ben's family's house and there is no rushing to fit in everyone and less stress and we get to enjoy the day. This year my sister is going away so my parents are coming with us to Ben's dad's house and everyone is really excited about it! We got to go to the park a few days last week which was nice to get out of the house while we still could and run around when it wasn't freezing outside! It was 60 degrees on Monday then snowing on Tuesday. We had a trip to the dentist for Addy's 6 month check up and Cam's is this week. Ben and I also got to fit in a date night Friday which was a lot of fun and we got to have a nice Sunday din...

Last week took its toll on me, mentally. I lost an entire day with my family because I couldn't get my emotions in check. Then all week I just couldn't pull myself out of the funk. I wasn't myself, I felt like I was getting swallowed up slowly. I finally put my foot down and pulled myself out and stood strong and said this is enough! I made a doctors appointment and I asked for help and today I am excited. I am excited to start on Zoloft. It may not solve all my problems, but it's a stretch in the right direction. I am excited to start feeling like myself again. I'm excited because I asked for help after fighting alone for far to long. I'm excited to be open about my struggles and get support. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was affecting not just myself, but my family, the silent victims of this disease: anxiety and depression. Suffering because of me. Thank you for hanging in there. Thank you for being proud of me. Thank you. Thank you for telling me ...