Memories

I wish I could dive deep down into my memories and pull out every memory of your birth. 

Every detail. 

Every feeling,

Every sound.

I wish I could write it down exactly how it happened.

I could read it over and over again.

And somehow, relive every moment.

The moment that I got to hold you in my arms for the very first time. 

I've always written. But back then I wasn't the avid writer I wish I had been, I guess I'm still not. There was a long stretch of time when I didn't even write at all. 

I was busy chasing my babies. 

Busy trying to build us a life.

Busy making memories without realizing how badly I would one day wish I had written them all down. 

I was busy picking up the pieces of the messes other people had left me with and trying to make something beautiful with them. 

But I'd do anything to go back to these moments.

Relive them and soak in all your tiny features. 

The day my heart was born. 

The moment I was consumed by more love than I thought capable.

I took the photos.

To capture time just, briefly. 

To hold onto something I couldn’t bottle up and keep. 

To help step back in time. 

But it doesn’t ever seem like quite enough. 

The photo captured your face.

How tiny you were. 

Small snapshots of the day. 

But not the way I felt.  

Or how your weight felt across my arms. 

I’d give anything to step back in that room one more time. 

I'd just stay a little longer.

I'd hold you a little tighter.

And I'd write it all down.